WOW. Just....WOW. Here's a line that'll live with me forever: "You hear it in Billie Holiday bending time around a lyric until language itself appears exhausted by what it has been asked to carry." Perfection. Thank YOU!
Your writing is so beautiful, Kim. As a reader, I find myself repeatedly saying "yes," "yes," YES!" not only in sympathetic agreement but with joy at seeing things expressed so wholly authentically or with delighted shock that my perspective, thanks to your influence, remains malleable despite my age. 💛 - Dawn
Thank you so much Dawn. If that is the case, then essay had the effect that hoped it would. Just read your inaugural piece and really loved it. Please keep going.
This essay...breathtaking. Somehow you have articulated every feeling and thought I have had about making art over the course of my life. I have experienced every one of those negative feelings and self-destructive talk (still do). The worst was spending 18yrs working for an institution that championed support of artists, commitment to inclusion, dedicated to the education, exposure and advancement of artists and fine crafts people and to introduce people to the world of arts and crafts using the workshop model.
I was an outsider from the first moment: marginalized, discounted, dismissed and ignored because of my interests, perceived skill level, the questions I'd ask and my lack of any formal training. It took me about 5 years to fully understand why I felt so out of place; it turns out the whole organization was (is) a closed loop creative ecosystem absent of any original thought, highly exclusive (if you weren't in you were out) and basically very pretentious and arrogant and projecting the idea of the "specialness" of artists and the justification of what I came to know as an "earned entitlement" (which was not really earned at all but bestowed by the monitors and gatekeepers of all the specials that made their way through the various educational systems and arrived to that point somewhere along their career paths). I worked their quite a number of years (very rural and impoverished area so no jobs that weren't wealth extraction focused and I wasn't in the position to leave. Plus I loved living up in the woods) but thankfully never adopted any of the environmental and atmospheric beliefs and toxins. I worked in isolation and relative silence and attempted to sow seeds of change during those years (unsuccessfully). I finally left the place and the area, resettled and now work in relative silence and isolation, though in the past year I have found an online community that has provided more support and encouragement in one year than I received in total over the course of my life.
I always felt like something was wrong with me, not being able to find my community. Of course over time I came to understand nothing was wrong with me but I was just different from the majority. (which pretty much sums up my existence in general). I always had a vague notion there was an underlying reason for this state of affairs but never really connected the social and cultural relationship and it's effect on my nervous system. Thank you so much for shining the light and articulating the overall system at work. I feel better and less isolated.
I have no ambitions to be a professional or even a notionally recognized artist. I just make stuff, primarily for my own well-being and as a method of meditation, a means of self-reflection, a way of regulating my nervous system and just because I enjoy it. That is enough.
Reading your comment made me very happy. You spent years in an environment that never really seemed capable of recognizing what you brought to it, yet you never surrendered your curiosity or your desire to make things. That takes a certain kind of determination and integrity.
And, there's a beautiful wisdom in recognizing that making the work itself is enough. The fact that it serves as meditation, self-reflection, nervous-system regulation, and simple enjoyment is deeply healthy. Those are some of the most important reasons to make art in the first place.
I'm grateful you shared your story. And I'm especially glad you found a community that recognizes what you bring. Everyone deserves that at least once in their life.
Thank you for reading so deeply and for taking the time to write.
I really like this! I have lived a lot of what you are talking about. I went to art school and my art was loud, political, offensive and perhaps obnoxious (as only a 21 year old can be). I did have my supporters, but I had a lot of gatekeepers. To the point that I ended up developing software for most of my life. I still made art but never showed it to anyone. I am now done with software and back to spending all of my time making art. Thanks for sharing this.
As you probably have seen already, I almost restacked this whole essay. So glad I finally found time to catch up on the unread, so glad I resisted the urge to just delete all substack emails from the last two weeks, and decided to listen attentively instead.
Because this piece is a strange and wonderful balm for every creative soul that lives underground.
And I think, for me, this is one part of the whole thing: to put my ear to the ground and listen to the familiar echoes underneath can be more nourishing that reading all the "classics one should know". The dandelions in one's garden don't make it into photo albums as much as stunning views from vacations - but when you look closely, they are equally awe-inspiring, and so brimming with Life... And the most wonderful thing is: you can watch them grow, and get inspired by them, every day.
(Got lost a bit in the metaphor, probably, but I'm sure you get my meaning. :)
I don't think you got lost in the metaphor at all. In fact, I think you've put your finger on something essential.
Part of what I was trying to get at in the essay is that our attention is constantly being directed toward the approved objects, the celebrated works, the things culture has already decided are important. Meanwhile entire worlds of beauty, insight, and creative vitality are growing right under our feet.
I love the image of the dandelions because they are available. They are alive. They are part of the landscape we actually inhabit rather than the landscape we are told to admire.
And perhaps that is one of the great gifts of art: learning to recognize aliveness wherever it appears.
Thank you for this. It’s a perfect companion to the essay.
Thanks so much for writing this Kim! I migrated over from the LSS community and am bowled over by your essay--so truthful and great. It spells out a unified field theory of art, to me the best writing is always powered by great musicians and by all the so called "outsider art" that lies on the periphery. I identify with your upbringing. And like the other commenters, I just thought, 'yes so true' all the way through my reading.
Hi Henry! Thank you so much for this. “Unified field theory of art” just made my whole day. And yes, exactly: the musicians, the outsider artists, the people making work from the periphery, from necessity, from strange private weather. That’s the voltage I care about most. I’m moved that it touched something in your own upbringing, too. Very glad you found your way here from LSS.
WOW. Just....WOW. Here's a line that'll live with me forever: "You hear it in Billie Holiday bending time around a lyric until language itself appears exhausted by what it has been asked to carry." Perfection. Thank YOU!
Jesus, thank you. Billie—cigarette smoke, memory, midnight rain on a Harlem window, human weather.
I’m deeply grateful for your close reading and feedback. It’s like meeting another traveler awake at 3 a.m. inside the same electric storm.
Your writing is so beautiful, Kim. As a reader, I find myself repeatedly saying "yes," "yes," YES!" not only in sympathetic agreement but with joy at seeing things expressed so wholly authentically or with delighted shock that my perspective, thanks to your influence, remains malleable despite my age. 💛 - Dawn
Thank you so much Dawn. If that is the case, then essay had the effect that hoped it would. Just read your inaugural piece and really loved it. Please keep going.
My comment is certainly TL;DR.
This essay...breathtaking. Somehow you have articulated every feeling and thought I have had about making art over the course of my life. I have experienced every one of those negative feelings and self-destructive talk (still do). The worst was spending 18yrs working for an institution that championed support of artists, commitment to inclusion, dedicated to the education, exposure and advancement of artists and fine crafts people and to introduce people to the world of arts and crafts using the workshop model.
I was an outsider from the first moment: marginalized, discounted, dismissed and ignored because of my interests, perceived skill level, the questions I'd ask and my lack of any formal training. It took me about 5 years to fully understand why I felt so out of place; it turns out the whole organization was (is) a closed loop creative ecosystem absent of any original thought, highly exclusive (if you weren't in you were out) and basically very pretentious and arrogant and projecting the idea of the "specialness" of artists and the justification of what I came to know as an "earned entitlement" (which was not really earned at all but bestowed by the monitors and gatekeepers of all the specials that made their way through the various educational systems and arrived to that point somewhere along their career paths). I worked their quite a number of years (very rural and impoverished area so no jobs that weren't wealth extraction focused and I wasn't in the position to leave. Plus I loved living up in the woods) but thankfully never adopted any of the environmental and atmospheric beliefs and toxins. I worked in isolation and relative silence and attempted to sow seeds of change during those years (unsuccessfully). I finally left the place and the area, resettled and now work in relative silence and isolation, though in the past year I have found an online community that has provided more support and encouragement in one year than I received in total over the course of my life.
I always felt like something was wrong with me, not being able to find my community. Of course over time I came to understand nothing was wrong with me but I was just different from the majority. (which pretty much sums up my existence in general). I always had a vague notion there was an underlying reason for this state of affairs but never really connected the social and cultural relationship and it's effect on my nervous system. Thank you so much for shining the light and articulating the overall system at work. I feel better and less isolated.
I have no ambitions to be a professional or even a notionally recognized artist. I just make stuff, primarily for my own well-being and as a method of meditation, a means of self-reflection, a way of regulating my nervous system and just because I enjoy it. That is enough.
Thank you for this. Truly.
Reading your comment made me very happy. You spent years in an environment that never really seemed capable of recognizing what you brought to it, yet you never surrendered your curiosity or your desire to make things. That takes a certain kind of determination and integrity.
And, there's a beautiful wisdom in recognizing that making the work itself is enough. The fact that it serves as meditation, self-reflection, nervous-system regulation, and simple enjoyment is deeply healthy. Those are some of the most important reasons to make art in the first place.
I'm grateful you shared your story. And I'm especially glad you found a community that recognizes what you bring. Everyone deserves that at least once in their life.
Thank you for reading so deeply and for taking the time to write.
I really like this! I have lived a lot of what you are talking about. I went to art school and my art was loud, political, offensive and perhaps obnoxious (as only a 21 year old can be). I did have my supporters, but I had a lot of gatekeepers. To the point that I ended up developing software for most of my life. I still made art but never showed it to anyone. I am now done with software and back to spending all of my time making art. Thanks for sharing this.
As you probably have seen already, I almost restacked this whole essay. So glad I finally found time to catch up on the unread, so glad I resisted the urge to just delete all substack emails from the last two weeks, and decided to listen attentively instead.
Because this piece is a strange and wonderful balm for every creative soul that lives underground.
And I think, for me, this is one part of the whole thing: to put my ear to the ground and listen to the familiar echoes underneath can be more nourishing that reading all the "classics one should know". The dandelions in one's garden don't make it into photo albums as much as stunning views from vacations - but when you look closely, they are equally awe-inspiring, and so brimming with Life... And the most wonderful thing is: you can watch them grow, and get inspired by them, every day.
(Got lost a bit in the metaphor, probably, but I'm sure you get my meaning. :)
I don't think you got lost in the metaphor at all. In fact, I think you've put your finger on something essential.
Part of what I was trying to get at in the essay is that our attention is constantly being directed toward the approved objects, the celebrated works, the things culture has already decided are important. Meanwhile entire worlds of beauty, insight, and creative vitality are growing right under our feet.
I love the image of the dandelions because they are available. They are alive. They are part of the landscape we actually inhabit rather than the landscape we are told to admire.
And perhaps that is one of the great gifts of art: learning to recognize aliveness wherever it appears.
Thank you for this. It’s a perfect companion to the essay.
So wonderful to exchange sentences, because your comments make my thoughts clearer :) So thank you!
And yes. Team dandelions!
Thanks so much for writing this Kim! I migrated over from the LSS community and am bowled over by your essay--so truthful and great. It spells out a unified field theory of art, to me the best writing is always powered by great musicians and by all the so called "outsider art" that lies on the periphery. I identify with your upbringing. And like the other commenters, I just thought, 'yes so true' all the way through my reading.
Hi Henry! Thank you so much for this. “Unified field theory of art” just made my whole day. And yes, exactly: the musicians, the outsider artists, the people making work from the periphery, from necessity, from strange private weather. That’s the voltage I care about most. I’m moved that it touched something in your own upbringing, too. Very glad you found your way here from LSS.
Beautifully written, putting words to sentiments that are so hard to articulate. Thank you for your writing.
This is unbelievably good and helpful. I needed to read this today. It made an immediate difference. Thank you.
So much here… that we all need! Thank you!